You're off to a good start. I think you've done well with what's inside their heads, but the dialogue is a little off.
You should definitely keep going with it. And if you'd like a beta to help you out with the little nuances of character and general proof reading stuff, I'd be happy to oblige.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-09-26 09:03 am (UTC)You should definitely keep going with it. And if you'd like a beta to help you out with the little nuances of character and general proof reading stuff, I'd be happy to oblige.